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Mary Buchan – 18th December 1956 to 4th January 2023

Mary’s grave stone

NOTE- Mary was, my proof reader and always checked my writings for typo’s, grammer and spelling mistakes (being dyslexic is a disability of sorts) – on this occassion this is no longer possible so please bear with me as I do my best under my own steam.

Time to Reflect

I wanted to take an opportunity to reflect on Mary’s life – she was a indvidual but also a family and community member so any consideration of the impact she has made needs to be considered in these contexts .

Mary was my soul mate – we shared our faith and beliefs and held onto the sure an certain hope that we will meet again in the future.
See at the bottom of the grave stone the word Mizpah which means:

“The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another”

– read more about this by clicking here

Today, 15th February 2023 I visited Marys grave where the grave stone is now in place. It has been at times difficult since Mary passed into her Lords presence. She had been a bit under the weather in the last few days of her life but we as a family did not expect her to pass so suddenly. But we are also aware that she had been ill for a significant period ( about 33 years ) when her liver condition was initially diagnosed. She was treated with a coctail of medication and the consideration of a team of expert clinicians. The medication did seem to help keep her condition under control to some extent but also it was noticable, particularly in recent years, that her health was deteriorating and there were other conditions that were also developing. She never complained but was keen to take advantage of any treatment that was available and lived quietly with the many side effects. In the second half of 2022 her long time consultant felt that the time had come when she should explore the possiblity of having a liver transplant. She attended a week long assessment clinic at the Liver Unit at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary and was accepted on to the transplant program. This was a significant developement and one that gave Mary and the whole family renewed hope for a future life with improved quality.

Last Family Holiday

Mary was always selfless, loving, gentle, symathetic, generous, always saw the positive in any situation, a very good listener, a mediator, a healer for those who needed she was a confidant and supporter. Mary always could be relied upon to bring a smile to almost every situation. She loved her grandchildren with a very special love and always had a hugh welcome for them regardless of how she was feeling when they entered the room. She loved her children including there life partners always seeking the best for them in every situation.

I came across the following poem about a month after Mary’s passing and I share it here because I feel it helps me to focus on the massive impact that Mary made on my life and I believe all those who ( family and friends ) she touched in one way or another when she was here among us.

I also feel that it helps me to focus on a future life without her physical presence in a very positive way.

And here is a song that has also brought comfort to me

How we met and the early years.

We started our life together in 1973 when we met at the Baptist Church Youth Christmas Parties in Fraserburgh and Peterhead. When I first saw her, I did “fancy” her but thought she was too old for me!! Happily, I discovered that we were the same age, more or less ( I was older), and we went on our first date – going to a youth social evening at Any Bellas house in the Broch. From then we both felt that our relationship was going to be a long term one and we became engaged in Septmeber 1974. We were married on the 8th of July 1977 and moved to our first home at 196 Union Grove in Aberdeen. After two years there we moved to 4 Honeylees Drive in Galashiels when I started my first teaching job at Earlston High School. After about 10 very happy years in the Borders and two kids later ( Fiona and Linda ) I was appointed to a job at the Northern College of Education and we moved to Kemnay in Aberdeenshire. In our first year in Kemnay, Philip arrived to complete our family of three. It was after this what Mary started to feel the first symptoms of her illness which initially manifested as cronic fatigue. He had to go into hospital for tests ( this was her only hospital stay untill her week stay at the Liver Transplant Unit in Edinburgh in October 2022 ) including a liver biopsy which lead to her initial diagnoses. In those days she was looking after baby Philip and would sometims had to crawl after him as he became more mobile. At this time she was not able to do shopping trips so I did these based on the shopping lists she prepared. But again, she never complained!!

Life in Kemnay

During the next 33 years despite her illness Mary did some home working ( machine knitting ) and also did voluntary work helping at the school. This lead to her taking on a job as a classroom assistant which she did for many years until she felt that her health was too poor to sustain the work. Mary had a very keen sense of humour which many people she came into contact with would experience. Playing various practical jokes on her colleagues at school and also on friends and family. There are so many happy memories to reflect on. She is also remembered as a very caring and sympathetc soul who was able to connect with the pupils she worked with and in many cases help them succeed at school when previously they had struggled. She was involved in “early intervention” initiatives working with kids at home and providing taylored support in school. She started a homework club to support children to do their homework but always included some fun games once the homework was done. Many children enjoyed these times and looked forward to them.
We started to attend Kemnay Parish Church around 1993/4 and found our spiritual home there. Mary enjoyed the social events, Christmas Parties, the Rainbow Parties, Shared lunches, Pentecost in the Park and fund raising events to which she always made some contribution – her pancakes where often spoken about as they were prepared fresh on the premesis – oh that welcoming aroma!

We formed friendships from the school and church communities – Mary would often invite friends for dinner and a social time when I was travelling for business which I had to do quite a lot. Hogmanay parities were great fun with Mary doing most of the cooking and also creating some of the games we played! So many happy memories of these times. All this despite her often feeling exhausted which she was very good at concelling.

Holidays

Family holidays took the form of many camping trips with our trailer tent – the Kids enjoyed these holidays. The Keswick Convention became an annual venue and we would camp at the Scotgate campsite in Brathswaite just outside Kewick. We evetually decided to upgrade to a caravan which we also had holidays at Castlerigg Hall campsite near Keswick and also toured to other parts of northern England and around Scotland – Mary really enjoyed these holidays and looked forward to planning them.

The Group of Six

We formed the “group of six” with the Rentons and Gorvets and went on many holidays with them. This was to be a long and very close friendship. We often reflected on our first social meeting when Mary and I had invited the other two couples for dinner to our house and after dinner we played Pictionary – so much hillarity and laughter – the kids who were in bed and awoken, they sat on the stairs wondering what on earth was going one.

Initially, we did short breaks to hotels over Valentines weekend and then added a bi-annual cruise to our holiday itenerary. These holidays were so enjoyed by Mary and the rest of the group. She loved planning for them by spending many hours searching for suitable accommodation for our short breaks and also suitable cruises for our bigger holidays.


We all looked forward to all these times together and formed very deep and lasting friendhips which only ended as some have passed on into Gods presence. There was always laughter and pranking which peppered all of our times togetner Mary was most often the instigator of so many mischeivious acts.

Mary the Lurker

Mary was never very active on Social media – but she did have a facebook account. She enjoyed keeping up with friends and family activities through them but would not respond in a public way. If she saw something of interest she would certainly respond but would do this by a private or small group message using WhatsApp and Messenger etc. She only shared a few photos on facebook – I guess these where in her view worth sharing for one reason or another – I should say here that Mary claimed not to be a “doggie person” but seemed to have a soft spot for the the family pets!!!



My favourite Photos of Mary

Mary was very good at NOT getting her photo taken – she would always shy away from the camera lense. I have found a more photos than I expected below is a small selection of them – not in any particular theme or order- but they all remind me about her and the very special person she was.

Click the arrows or swipe sidewise if on a mobile device to flick through them.

If you missed her funeral and would like to see the recording click the play button below!

Stuart Yates – Funeral

Just back from attending and participating in the funeral of Stuart Yates.  If you would have liked to be there but could not for any reason you can listen to the proceedings here.

The audio file will take a few minuteso to download so please be patient.

Click to Listen

(If  you want to download the MP3 you can do so by right clicking on the above link ( Windows) or Control – Click ( Mac ) – you can then save the MP3 file which can be played using iTunes or other MP3 players)

Stuart Yates – my great friend and mentor

Portrait of Stuart Yates

Stuart Yates
10th September 1949 – 31st July 2012

Stuart passed away early  on the morning of 31st July 2012.  He has been a great friend and mentor since I first met him some 20 years ago (can’t recall the date but it was sometime in 1992/3).  We have since that time been jointly involved in a number of musical projects and this has been a great pleasure for me – following are some things I want to remember about him.

I remember joining the Kemnay Church Music group and playing alongside him (an original member) in what was quite a large group with many different instruments and it played occassionally at Church services and other church events.

The next initiative was to form what is now  known as Ruach Praise with the aim to lead and accompany church worship in a more contemporary musical style.  This band initially played in  Kemnay Parish Church but also played in many other places around the North East of Scotland and tried to seed other similar bands at other churches.  Stuart, a founder member, was always faithful and attended every practice session played with the band on every occassion.  Stuart always stood at the back of the setup but was a key member of the band playing his bass guitar with skill and sensitivity.

Here is the last photo of the band before Stuart passed on.

Last photo of the band with Stuart Yates ( Bass )

The week before he went into hospital for his surgery, he attended the Friday evening band practice and played with the band at the Sunday service, we all hoped that the operation would lead to a positive end to his fight with cancer.  Interestingly he never missed a practice – even when he was undergoing Chemotherapy – but I know that he endured both pain and discomfort during these times.  On this occassion, as we always do, we ended the session with a short time of prayer and we prayed that Stuart would know God’s comfort and healing power in the days ahead.  Of course Gods will is not necessarly what we want in a situation and on this occassion the out come has been that Stuart has been taken from this world into God’s presence.  As a friend said to me – “Gods timing is always perfect” although we might not fully appreciate his reasoning at the time.  The post-surgery complications (of which Stuart was very well aware of when he decided to opt for surgery) were too much for his body to overcome.  As far as we know he was never was able to regain full conciousness.

We will miss Stuart greatly when the band participates in any events in the future.  But we know that he was fully committed to what we do and believe that he would want us to continue without him – however difficult that might be.  Ruach Praise has had a large number of members over the years with many moving on to other stages in their lives – leaving the area, attending University etc……  but Stuart is the first to have left the band in this way.

I want to acknowledge his immense contribution to the work of Ruach Praise – not only the visible contribution through our performances but also in helping organising the band when he was a always a great ecouragement and might I say a “wise old head”.  After practices it was custom for him to join Mary and I at home for a coffee and chocolate biscuit of which he was always very fond.  We would often also watch a music DVD or recording of Trans-Atlantic Sessions  – we will remember these times foldly.   Watching the Two Ronnies or the Vicar of Dibley usually ended in complete hillarity when Stuart would laugh uncontrollably….  Stuart was also known for telling  a few good jokes from time to time – “drummers” often took the brunt on these occassions 😉

On the day he went into hospital he stopped by the house to say “bye” – I said we would be keeping him in our prayers and look forward to seeing him after the operation when he would be feeling better.  It seems that this reunion will take place a little further into the future than I hoped/expected as we have a Christian hope of a great reunion still to come.

Mizpah

2 Corinthians Ch 5 Vs 1

“For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.”

read the above chapter here http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2 Corinthians+5&version=NIVUK

(read other comments about Stuart on his facebook page, click here http://www.facebook.com/stuart.yates.332)