NOTE- Mary was, my proof reader and always checked my writings for typo’s, grammer and spelling mistakes (being dyslexic is a disability of sorts) – on this occassion this is no longer possible so please bear with me as I do my best under my own steam.
Time to Reflect
I wanted to take an opportunity to reflect on Mary’s life – she was a indvidual but also a family and community member so any consideration of the impact she has made needs to be considered in these contexts .
Mary was my soul mate – we shared our faith and beliefs and held onto the sure an certain hope that we will meet again in the future.
See at the bottom of the grave stone the word Mizpah which means:
“The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another”
– read more about this by clicking here
Today, 15th February 2023 I visited Marys grave where the grave stone is now in place. It has been at times difficult since Mary passed into her Lords presence. She had been a bit under the weather in the last few days of her life but we as a family did not expect her to pass so suddenly. But we are also aware that she had been ill for a significant period ( about 33 years ) when her liver condition was initially diagnosed. She was treated with a coctail of medication and the consideration of a team of expert clinicians. The medication did seem to help keep her condition under control to some extent but also it was noticable, particularly in recent years, that her health was deteriorating and there were other conditions that were also developing. She never complained but was keen to take advantage of any treatment that was available and lived quietly with the many side effects. In the second half of 2022 her long time consultant felt that the time had come when she should explore the possiblity of having a liver transplant. She attended a week long assessment clinic at the Liver Unit at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary and was accepted on to the transplant program. This was a significant developement and one that gave Mary and the whole family renewed hope for a future life with improved quality.
Mary was always selfless, loving, gentle, symathetic, generous, always saw the positive in any situation, a very good listener, a mediator, a healer for those who needed she was a confidant and supporter. Mary always could be relied upon to bring a smile to almost every situation. She loved her grandchildren with a very special love and always had a hugh welcome for them regardless of how she was feeling when they entered the room. She loved her children including there life partners always seeking the best for them in every situation.
I came across the following poem about a month after Mary’s passing and I share it here because I feel it helps me to focus on the massive impact that Mary made on my life and I believe all those who ( family and friends ) she touched in one way or another when she was here among us.
I also feel that it helps me to focus on a future life without her physical presence in a very positive way.
And here is a song that has also brought comfort to me
How we met and the early years.
We started our life together in 1973 when we met at the Baptist Church Youth Christmas Parties in Fraserburgh and Peterhead. When I first saw her, I did “fancy” her but thought she was too old for me!! Happily, I discovered that we were the same age, more or less ( I was older), and we went on our first date – going to a youth social evening at Any Bellas house in the Broch. From then we both felt that our relationship was going to be a long term one and we became engaged in Septmeber 1974. We were married on the 8th of July 1977 and moved to our first home at 196 Union Grove in Aberdeen. After two years there we moved to 4 Honeylees Drive in Galashiels when I started my first teaching job at Earlston High School. After about 10 very happy years in the Borders and two kids later ( Fiona and Linda ) I was appointed to a job at the Northern College of Education and we moved to Kemnay in Aberdeenshire. In our first year in Kemnay, Philip arrived to complete our family of three. It was after this what Mary started to feel the first symptoms of her illness which initially manifested as cronic fatigue. He had to go into hospital for tests ( this was her only hospital stay untill her week stay at the Liver Transplant Unit in Edinburgh in October 2022 ) including a liver biopsy which lead to her initial diagnoses. In those days she was looking after baby Philip and would sometims had to crawl after him as he became more mobile. At this time she was not able to do shopping trips so I did these based on the shopping lists she prepared. But again, she never complained!!
Life in Kemnay
During the next 33 years despite her illness Mary did some home working ( machine knitting ) and also did voluntary work helping at the school. This lead to her taking on a job as a classroom assistant which she did for many years until she felt that her health was too poor to sustain the work. Mary had a very keen sense of humour which many people she came into contact with would experience. Playing various practical jokes on her colleagues at school and also on friends and family. There are so many happy memories to reflect on. She is also remembered as a very caring and sympathetc soul who was able to connect with the pupils she worked with and in many cases help them succeed at school when previously they had struggled. She was involved in “early intervention” initiatives working with kids at home and providing taylored support in school. She started a homework club to support children to do their homework but always included some fun games once the homework was done. Many children enjoyed these times and looked forward to them.
We started to attend Kemnay Parish Church around 1993/4 and found our spiritual home there. Mary enjoyed the social events, Christmas Parties, the Rainbow Parties, Shared lunches, Pentecost in the Park and fund raising events to which she always made some contribution – her pancakes where often spoken about as they were prepared fresh on the premesis – oh that welcoming aroma!
We formed friendships from the school and church communities – Mary would often invite friends for dinner and a social time when I was travelling for business which I had to do quite a lot. Hogmanay parities were great fun with Mary doing most of the cooking and also creating some of the games we played! So many happy memories of these times. All this despite her often feeling exhausted which she was very good at concelling.
Holidays
Family holidays took the form of many camping trips with our trailer tent – the Kids enjoyed these holidays. The Keswick Convention became an annual venue and we would camp at the Scotgate campsite in Brathswaite just outside Kewick. We evetually decided to upgrade to a caravan which we also had holidays at Castlerigg Hall campsite near Keswick and also toured to other parts of northern England and around Scotland – Mary really enjoyed these holidays and looked forward to planning them.
The Group of Six
We formed the “group of six” with the Rentons and Gorvets and went on many holidays with them. This was to be a long and very close friendship. We often reflected on our first social meeting when Mary and I had invited the other two couples for dinner to our house and after dinner we played Pictionary – so much hillarity and laughter – the kids who were in bed and awoken, they sat on the stairs wondering what on earth was going one.
Initially, we did short breaks to hotels over Valentines weekend and then added a bi-annual cruise to our holiday itenerary. These holidays were so enjoyed by Mary and the rest of the group. She loved planning for them by spending many hours searching for suitable accommodation for our short breaks and also suitable cruises for our bigger holidays.
We all looked forward to all these times together and formed very deep and lasting friendhips which only ended as some have passed on into Gods presence. There was always laughter and pranking which peppered all of our times togetner Mary was most often the instigator of so many mischeivious acts.
Mary the Lurker
Mary was never very active on Social media – but she did have a facebook account. She enjoyed keeping up with friends and family activities through them but would not respond in a public way. If she saw something of interest she would certainly respond but would do this by a private or small group message using WhatsApp and Messenger etc. She only shared a few photos on facebook – I guess these where in her view worth sharing for one reason or another – I should say here that Mary claimed not to be a “doggie person” but seemed to have a soft spot for the the family pets!!!
My favourite Photos of Mary
Mary was very good at NOT getting her photo taken – she would always shy away from the camera lense. I have found a more photos than I expected below is a small selection of them – not in any particular theme or order- but they all remind me about her and the very special person she was.
Click the arrows or swipe sidewise if on a mobile device to flick through them.
If you missed her funeral and would like to see the recording click the play button below!